Parenting is one is the most joyous phase of life. At the same time it does not come handy to all of us. At times it fills you with gratitude towards life and at other times it leaves you frustrated, ashamed, helpless, confused. Whether you are struggling with one specific issue, or with parenting in general, you have got help.
I can help you work towards developing a parenting style that suits your child’s need and makes you equipped to deal with the consistent challenges you face. These new skills will leave you feeling more confident and relaxed.
The overall aim of parenting counselling is to help you in the following areas:
• Unlearning bad behaviour/ faulty modeling.
• Consistent parenting styles.
• Being specific and focused.
• Communication and persistence.
• Taking care of yourself.
“Identification of the problem behaviour is the most important; once this is done half the solution you’re holding in your hand”
Teaching children what behaviour you expect from them is a daily parenting process. Sometimes we need guidance as to how we build up a rapport with children. We also need to develop awareness and insight into what is problem behaviour and how our children learn it. With my rich experience I can help you let go of faulty parenting style which will in turn help your child understand your expectations better. Ultimately you will be able to provide your child with a nurturing environment that motivates him to explore his or her full emotional, academical and social potential.
QUESTION / ANSWER
“Dear Richa, I am a father of an 8 year old girl. My daughter has been doing very well at school and also has a lot of friends. Sometimes when she goes out to play in our society with her friends, comes back crying and says that the other children are being mean to her, playing pranks. I feel confused about how I should handle this situation as there are many ways to react. Like should I ask her to handle it on her own which could hurt her and make her feel lonely; or should I intervene where her friends would deny my daughters report? Complaining to others’ parents would spoil the relationships? So what is the right way to handle this situation? Thanks”
Pranav G., Sales Manager, Gurgaon
“Dear Sir, I do not know the details of the fights your child gets into. Are these regular pranks and fights or case of bully? My answer could defer once I get the details. As parents it’s difficult for us to see our children suffer with feelings of hurt, rejection, isolation etc; once they have issues between friends. But we have to accept that it’s a part of the growing up process. Each time your child comes to you, listen to her empathetically. Do not offer advises in the beginning; also do not rush to talk to her friends or their parents. This means do not act as a rescuer. Make her feel you understand how she feels. Help her reflect on what happened and how she and others might have all played a part in causing her this pain. How she could at least change her part. Offer her options and help her choose on how to solve the problem. If she doesn’t want to go back and join trust her, also if she abruptly wants to go back and play support her. Further to remember that children often react intensely after a fight and also get over the disturbing feelings much easily than adults.
Apart from this on a frequent basis ask her about her favourite and not so good moments of her day. Listen to her without judging. These regular conversations will help her feel understood and she will trust you. This will help her share more with you. If you ever sense that there is a repeated pattern of bullying happening which is making your child weak, powerless and helpless then change your role appropriately. Intervene directly; take help from teachers if in school and parents if they are her neighbours. Also teach her how to stand up for herself verbally (with the help of role play) while she keeps confiding in you. More often than not a case of bullying might require counselling intervention...”
Richa Khetawat, Family Counsellor, Masters in Clinical Psychology