How fathers express their love?


One of the strongest needs as a child is to be protected by one’s father

Conventional wisdom tells us that mother’s love is most important in the upbringing of a child than father’s love. If the child grows up to be a confident, happy successful adult a lot of the credit goes to the mother. At the same time if a child grows up to be hostile, insecure, aggressive adult with a lack of confidence in one’s self we tend to blame the mother or her absence in the growing years. This is not completely true. Both the parents as equally important for the growth of the child and absence of either of them can lead to emotional and behavioral complications. On the other side, both can contribute to the emotional and psychological well-being of the child.


Ways in which fathers express their love

  • Children who either of the parents rejects develop emotional issues like hostility, insecurity, aggression, low
    that could be visible in concerns like negative indulgences, alcohol, teen pregnancies, series of failed relationships, detachment from family or friends, lack of social skills, depression, anxiety, unemployment, etc; hence father’s love is as important as mother’s love.
    Father’s love in the form of a protective figure is important for the child’s development. When a father tells his child “you can do it!”, “I am here”, it speaks volumes of his strength in being able to protect his child if in danger or fear of failure.
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  • We expect a lot from mother’s influence on their children, but the truth is it depends on the individual
    contribution. A child needs to be loved, needs to feel wanted, appreciated and encouraged. Whoever
    contributes to these feelings is the primary parent; it can be a mother or a father. Both should put efforts as
    children are vulnerable and can be shaped with the love they receive. Fathers who are involved go out of their way to make their children feel needed. For example fathers present in the life of their children make time to be a physical companion to their children.
  • Father also show love for their children by expressing love towards their mother. This makes the child
    feel a sense of belonging. For example, present and loving fathers are verbally and physically affectionate
    towards their wife. This expresses love towards their child as they feel complete and secure.
  • More often than not men are not verbal with their expression of love. They express love towards their children through humor. They create conversations to connect with their children and make them laugh. They also narrate stories and make meaningful connections. They draw parallels and talk anecdotes.
  • Fathers also express their attachment towards their children playing with them and doing adventure activities.They game it up and show love towards their children in a competitive streak.
  • Some fathers express their love towards their children by teaching them various academic subjects.
  • Fathers also express their love by protecting their children and standing up for them.
    Overall a lot of fathers bond with their children in playful, humorous, teaching, competing ways. This is in no
    amount less nurturing than a physical or verbal show of emotion which is done more by mothers. In single father families, they do take up both the roles. Again there are individual differences and with more acceptability in the society of men displaying their emotional self, they are starting to get comfortable with their emotions.


Importance of father in a child’s life

  • Conformist wisdom makes us believe that fathers are providers in families while mothers are the ones who
    nurture their children and take care of their growing up needs. Research in the contemporary times proves
    that fathers who are involved in their child’s upbringing there is a higher rate of cognitive competence and
    academic success. Also, the engagement in extracurricular activities is higher.
  • Kids who grow up in the presence of their fathers depict more stability in their emotional self and are confident and happier. There is more self-control. It is easier to live a goal-directed life and avoid vulnerable decisions.
  • Insecurity is prominent in children with father’s absence.

“If you feel you have been blessed with an involved paternal figure, you should find ways to express your gratitude towards them…”

  • You can express your love towards your father by asking him some questions where he would be able to
    express his skills or knowledge. Men feel loved and important when you cherish their capabilities. Depending on your age expressing your eagerness to know more from your father would make him feel loved and desired.
  • Remembering small occasions and times spent with him would make him feel special. Recollecting memories like “Dad do you remember you took me to this person and introduced me to him and it made me feel very confident in being able to adjust with the new neighborhood” would make him feel extremely valued.
  • Spending time with your father is the best way of saying, you love him. Everyone craves for time with their
    loved ones and there is no better way to express that you care. Apart from this staying connected when you
    cannot spend time directly through calls and messages will also help you express your love.
  • Your fathers belong to a different generation. A lot of times you end up disagreeing with the way things
    happened at his times. One of the ways you can show your love towards him is by respecting his ways and
    supporting him in his way of doing things.
  • Everyone makes mistakes. We tend to overlook our own mistakes and react to others mistakes. Being easy on your parent’s mistakes makes them feel loved.


Online counselling may help solve some issues in father child relationship

If you have had concerns with the family of your origin in your growing up years it can bring back uncomfortable memories from the past. It could also strain your relationships with your family and might come in the way of your future relationships. The result of a strained relationship with either of your parents could leave you with loads of self-doubt, aggression, insecurities, unknown anxieties, emptiness and sadness.

Counselling will help you process your experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Talking to a Counsellor will equip you to work on your vulnerabilities that might be enduring patterns since your childhood.

Richa Khetawat is a trained Psychologist providing online counselling services in a professionally helping manner to facilitate transitions in life. She has over 10 years of experience helping individuals cope with managing family and relationships issues, stress and anxiety, life transitions, children parenting and adolescent issues.