How to get over a break up

6 STEPS TO FOLLOW TO GET OVER A BREAK UP

I still love him so much!! I still miss her so much!!

Many of us have had the experience of breaking up and know how difficult it is to get over a break up. Depending on how long and deep the relationship was, it is one of the most painful experiences one can ever have. It brings along feelings of denial, grief, self doubt, confusion, powerlessness and heartache. There could also remain feelings of betrayal. Deepest of all is an overwhelming sense of pain!

1. Stop being in touch

To get over a break out, stop being in touch with your ex is the first obvious step to think of. That does not only mean to stop meeting, calling and texting. This also means make sure you do not bump into each other accidentally. It also means no stalking through social media or friends. It further means discard all the things that connect you to your ex. any gifts, artifacts or pictures. It is important to grieve alone. You cannot grieve along with a hope that you will remain friends or get back with your ex. That hope prolongs the grieving process and makes you stuck for a longer time. Erasing contact brings down the hope.

 

2. Grieve

It is fine to be in a mess when you get over a break up. That is the most natural thing that happens. If you avoid it you will be stuck longer into grieving, hoping and longing. A few days or weeks of crying it out are natural and fine as long as you are able to function and take care of your day to day responsibilities. If you are not the one to grieve alone it will help you to connect with friends and family. Connection reduces grief and helps you look forward to relationships in general.

 

3. Take care while you get over a break up

It is important to invest in yourself. When you invest in yourself the chemicals in your brain start to balance out. There would be activities that help you feel a sense of joy or pleasure. If you cannot associate these feelings with anything now, it is fine. Just recollect the activities that did bring in these feelings earlier. Try and make them a small part of your schedule. It will also help you to go to bed on a fixed time and not to skip your meals. Indulgence in alcohol will prolong the grieving process.

 

4. Understand your emotions

Realise your pain, guilt, confusion, sadness and helplessness while you get over a break up. It is important to feel your emotions and associate it with your experience of your relationship. Practicing this will help you understand that this happened in the past. The relationship was a part of your past life and has ended there. It has no scope in your future.

 

5. Reflect on your experience

While getting over a break up when we miss our ex, it is only natural to miss the good aspects of her or him. It is important to take a step back and understand what were the things that caused arguments, displeasure, stress or sadness. Further every experience in life is an opportunity to grow. You must have learnt few things about yourself through this experience and also must have adapted and changed yourself for better through this phase. The time and emotions invested were not wasted.

 

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6. Love yourself and realise that what you want is to be happy

We end up doubting our self and our qualities as a partner or worse our capabilities to love again. Do not doubt yourself. You are a unique special person, like everyone else. There is worth in you, you would be proud of. Also there are qualities in you someone would adore and love you for. That would happen once you love yourself as then you give the power to you and not to the experience that remains in your heart and mind. You have to keep reminding yourself that you want to be happy. That is what all of us want.

 

How online counselling may help you get over a break up

This experience makes you feel isolated. But you are not alone and do not have to suffer alone while you get over a break up. Who has loved deeply risks feeling crushed like you are right now. That is a risk one takes when you love. If you have tried everything and are not able to have a sense of closure you should go for counselling. Online counselling will help you get over a break up by help you process your experience, deal with the emotions and thoughts and find your closure.

Richa Khetawat is a trained Psychologist providing online counselling services in a professionally helping manner to facilitate transitions in life. She has over 10 years of experience helping individuals cope with managing family and relationships issues, stress and anxiety, life transitions, children parenting and adolescent issues.